I get that I am an older more conservative fellow but I really am getting tired of the familiarity of strangers.  For instance, I went to the bank yesterday and was just depositing a check.  As it happens, I bank at a large chain with a great many branches and I was in another city.  So, I went through the drive through and was greeted by a young woman with a “Hello. What can I do for you today?”  I told her and she wandered off to parts unseen.  She was gone for about 2 minutes and in that short time we had become long-lost friends. My receipt came back to me and over the intercom came, “There ya go, Bob.  Have a great day.”  Seriously?  “There ya go, BOB.”? As if we had been friends for years!  I am no one all that special but surely I am due the respect of at least a “Mr.” I coached kids for a several years and on occasion one would take the bold step of calling me by my first name.  It always ended the same way.  I explained they could call me Sir, or Mr. P. or Coach. Otherwise they could call me all kinds of names as they looked for another team on which to play. I learned from a Coach of mine who explained that when I knew everything he knew and had worked for as long as he had worked and raised kids and paid off a mortgage or two we would sit down over a sandwich and I could still call him Coach. And I do, because, he earned it. When I coach kids I want them to respect the position of Coach by using the title so that when I instruct them they accept the direction. I am not so important as to require a title but neither are the children around me my equals.  The concept of respecting your elders is an old and important one.  It is just one of the several social conventions that have fallen out of practice in the last 50 years or so.  I wrote in an earlier post about the failure of politeness by young men at a 4th of July celebration.  I believe that manners and the social niceties are the building blocks of behavior that lead a society to the opportunity for success. When I walk down the street I expect the kids to move out of my way just as I would make room for my elders because it is likely easier for me than for them.  The social graces provide more than the lubricant upon which polite society slides.  They also instruct us and require that we pay attention to our surroundings and our behavior in public.  They eliminate unintended insult and the resultant hard feelings.  They force us to respect achievement and effort.  I have a neighbor with whom my wife and I socialize who has a PHD. I call her Doctor when we are in front of children and in public and print because she has done the work and earned the respect.  I am friends with my Pastor and I call him Reverend when in public or in print because he has earned it.  Referring to them with their earned titles I hope teaches my children and reminds others that achievement is worthy of respect and that we can learn better from people who have actually done the work of learning.
Today we seem to be conditioned not to care about a person’s qualifications only their charisma.  We give credence to actor’s testifying in front of Congress because of where they testify, not because of their testimonies bona fides.  We elect public officials on name recognition and “Q” factor not on whether they offer real solutions to real problems.  And part of why we do this is because we no longer pay attention to what is going on around us enough to give respect to strangers, customers and our elders.  The teller at the bank is just an example of how marketing has triumphed over common courtesy.  I am certain that the bank has some research that says calling a customer by their first name makes them feel like family or friend and makes them feel more comfortable doing business with that bank or store or whatever.  Let me tell you, I am the exception to that study.  When the person behind the counter calls me by my first name I am motivated to do business in some other place where they respect me and show the courtesy of appreciating my business.  I am reminded of the old adage, “familiarity breeds contempt” and the FBI statistic that says 73% of all murder victims knew the person who killed them.